I am happy

So-many things are going on in my mind these days... Sometimes I feel as if I am bouncing in the bubble of happiness and at that very moment when everything seems just perfect.... worst happens.... Whoop... and everything just changes and bubble of happiness just burst in front of my eyes…it really hurts.

My visits to home always give everyone one more topic to discuss, marriage and only marriage….  It’s the only thing they know and I hate it  the most... I believe that soulmate is one who gives meaning to life and makes it even more wonderful... and not the one you have to select because of some social pressure....so I am not going to find my soulmate unless it just happen & unless I feel from bottom of my heart that this is my prince…and I am sure that things will be in my favor when this has to happen. A person who will make me even more beautiful by just being a part of my life....because a person is only beautiful, when their own beauty, is reflecting on to others… I know it sounds like a fairytale thing… but I always take life that way…where happy endings still exists.... it seems as if I m off to the land of dreams, where that special someone is waiting with arms wide open...but the very next moment I felt as if I was chasing this beautiful dream, then got whacked in the face.. by REALITY!!! Remember, in the end all we have is ourselves and you can't trust anybody! And this reality checks has made me feel that, dreams are like rainbows: always in sight but not always within reach…and if this is the reality of life then why the hell God make us see all those dreams… he always know from the beginning what is going to happen then why he never stop these useless, meaningless dreams at the very first moment so that these dreams doesn’t hurt.... I guess he also loves seeing people in pain.... with shattered dreams....  But in spite of all these I believe sometime only dreams are what remain.

Things become even worse when you try to ignore things but people around you start asking pointless questions. I hated when old aunts came up to me after weddings or these days even without any occasions and say "u r next"…or when are you going to give the good news.  I have never done same to them after every funeral… Why the hell they don’t let me live… I am more than happy with my life and I am not ready for any new commitments. Please someone make this go in their heads. I am happy!

P.S. Never give up your dreams for someone who isn't willing to give up anything for you

 

First love

Sometimes my mind asks
Why I still care,
Why I miss u,
Why u r all I think about,
Then my heart answers
Because you will always
Be the first love of my life!

My Sweetiepie.... My Teddy!



Now before mind start thinking any further, let me tell you that this is for my first love....my Teddy…. I am missing my old small cute Teddy. Though now I have so many of them in all shapes and sizes… but satisfaction which that small red teddy used to give me… other can’t even take me near to it... I just miss my Reddy the teddy!

I am a Woman

I modified one of my poem for Women's day... here is the editted version which I submitted for the competition.

 Do you know…..I
Say a thousand words with my eyes,
Ask a million questions that arise,
Hide the pain with a smile,
Seek comfort that goes a long while,
Want to smile through my tears,
Need a friend to tell my worst fears,
Share a secret and never regret,
Want to meet someone I've never met,
Am scared of the dark,
Want to begin again, a new start.
I am you, A woman!

My heart feels empty from within,
When night falls and mom doesn't snuggle me in
It hurts and remind me,
When was the last time we had dinner together.
I stifle a scream,
When I see kids holding hand of their dad.
I just hate myself for growing.
I am Child, like you… a daughter everyone wants!


I want to
fly again,
dance to my heart's content in the rain
Lay my head on ma's lap,
and tell her the days' recap.
Feel the caress of a thousand butterflies,
Break the bondage, break all ties
Yes, I am still a child & will always be!


I dream of
Talking nonsense,
A beautiful house and a white picket fence.
Someone who'll amaze,
A warm hearth and a fireplace
A heart where I stay,
Leading life my way,
A gurgling bundle of joy,
To love and bind as the years pass by
I want to hold this love in my hand,
And complete my identity.. by just one word
Mother is all that want to hear…!


And when the time of departure comes
I 'll b at peace in your arms
With my life repeating in front of my eyes
and you by side….. Is all I want.


Yes, I am the most beautiful creation of God,
A daughter, A lover, A wife, A mother
is what they call me….
But whatever they say,
I always make a difference….. in everyone’s life.
I am a Woman!

Spare a moment

It’s time to spare a moment to think about Bhagat Singh, Sukhdev & Rajguru. Three young men who gave their lives for a dream on this very day.… Dream of free India.. A dream which gave us a future and a past to cherish. Life would have been different for all of us if they for a moment thought about their own selfish interest. We should thank God for what they were……A farsighted, passionate, brave, self-sacrificing souls.


Today if we have a small, a tiny fraction of their passion… we really will be an unstoppable nation.

:))

It was a Maniac Monday…. A mad day at work. I had so many things to finish and all at once everything was priority…. I was bamboozled…… Completely lost in everything. It was just horrible….

And then, heard that whining track… from someone’s Youtube ….  or it began in my mind don't really know.

“Gucche hai bhai Gucche hai…Kahaniyo ke Gucche hai…”

And in no time I was singing that, and felt so energized. I felt that things just changed in front of me… I managed to cope up with everything and got some time to post my blog as well.

Felt so nice…. Childhood memories can do wondes :))

Paint it!

Love this painting there is something about it which always catches my attention... Thought of painting something similar but it never matched this one.... so m still trying n hope to put my own painting here some day :))

Home Alone!!!

I am sitting in my flat alone no human voice... no vehicles sound... it seems as if its already midnight. Such a strange killer silence...oophs... I m already scared & to kill this "Sannata" I have kept TV volume at its peak.. I can hear it from all rooms now... but still considering the fact that I am alone is enough to scare me... I m just praying electricity department will show some mercy on me n will not cut the power... Please  Please...!!!!!!

Anyways staying at home alone has some benefits also... u can dance n discover your own weired steps, sing badly (which is always the case with me, considering the kind of singer I m no one let me sing :(( ).... Shout at the top of your voice n no one will stop you...YAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!! Try new looks... experiment in cooking.... so many things yaar... I love them all...... And yup if you are in some serious mood then grab your un-interrupted thinking time. It will help you to de-stress & you might get some great ideas as well never know.

I m feeling bit nostalgic at this moment as I havn't been to home from a long time..... n sitting alone here is triggering a flashback......Thinking that how it felt when I think of HOME…. What a mixed feelings... it makes me smile, it makes me cry… It gives a feeling of completeness..... it gives me an identity its more then just few bricks & RCC for me... its a memory stock... a memory in itself.... my Sweet HOME.

Home was where I used to come from school/college and no matter what happened during the day/month/year, all the worries flew away.. Mom & Papa took care of everything… and we were safe with them besides us.

Then time flew away… we grew up.. left home…. and there is that house we once knew as home. the place where I can find my way in pitch darkness, where my hands and feet had memories of their own....and still has....... the patio where I sat on winter afternoons and learned multiplication tables (I must have paid more attention to those mouth watering dishes Mom used to make for me... especially, The 'Gajar ka halwa' and 'Aloo ka Paratha'  because I still get the multiplication tables wrong but do remember that taste n smell...:P), my study room where I graduated to calculus and loved it........!!!

The small garden which was full of loose earth where we played in mud in sweltering afternoons and made mud toys… the balcony from where we threw our paper planes…. where I learnt to ride a bicyle with dad walking besides me & briefing me those minute details, drive a two wheeler and then eventually a car....
Where I outgrew pinafores and frocks and umbrella ponytails to jeans…… that… was home…my sweet little home.

Just want to fly back home…. I am counting days!!! But days are becoming longer n longer :(( Wish I can strike a fast forward button!

Mujhe Ghar Jana hai..... Abhi!!!!

Human Angle

Today I was checking some online exams to check personality traits of a person and one of the best things about these online is that by and large it is a level playing field. You are judged according to the same parameters as everybody else. But all this objectivity goes to the dolphins (Hitchhiker’s hangover) once the human angle comes into play. Howsoever stringent the parameters might be one can never remove the inherent randomness originating from the complexities of the human mind. Also factors like favoritism, friendship and a range of other groupings ranging from country, religion to even your 'gali- mahaullah' comes into play. Add to this, the preconceived notions which leave an indelible mark upon the decision making neurons of people.


Many times I heard people saying that, “Life is not fair, you make the effort and somebody else reaps the benefits". It’s indeed true many times numbers of uncontrollable variables which influence our life (at least in the materialistic sense) is huge. But then how does one live with this. How does one enjoy a peaceful sleep knowing that he is as good as or even better than his boss (or fellow students / co workers etc) but does not get what he deserves in life?

A simple solution as suggested by a yogi is to realize that all this is maya (now don't get any naughty ideas). Live in a detached manner; observe life and all its happenings as a meek observer. Enjoy the 'Raslila'. Since eventually all of this shall pass away. Do the 'Karma' and accept the results. Don't try to find reasons for all the randomness in this world. Accept that this is how it is.

My Song my way

I have realized that sometimes you don’t realize what you have done until you see the damage. And today I finally realized mine….. from last few years I was living with this regret in my mind that I cannot accomplish one thing in my life. Though it never came upfront but every time I lose something, felt week, depressed….. I had only one decision to blame and after that I used to give several explanations to myself, for not trying it again… and for sometime it did worked. But you can’t fool your soul for long as body is for soul and soul not  for body.
So after continuous trying and failing within myself I have decided to at least give it a try … try for myself…. to accomplish my desire… my goal… in spite of all odds… This time I have decided to listen to my heart for once at least… so that I can live in peace with myself.

As they say, “Life is a song… only lyrics are messed up” so, it’s my try to create my own lyrics and sing my song my way. Wish me luck!

Finally Back

It’s been a long time since I last used my personal space to write something….. And this time I am seriously serious I was busy…..yup I really was… It was a crazy week…. and it’s a liberation that it finally ended.

Any ways, in all this havoc I cooked some ideas in my mind and pictures in my eyes but never got chance to conceptualize them on paper. But I promise to get that done soon. By the way in spite of being busy I managed to write two sweet poems…which I will post soon.